M(y)@_--M(y)_3Anti Ice: Zee, i can hear it from your voice that you have been crying, always remember that in any situation you find yourself, there is hope for tomorrow

Anti Ice: it is well my darling, let me read the message and give a piece of advise

‘I wanted you to know that i am here for you, no matter what they say, my love for you is true. i will shower you in roses and I will lift you to the sky but no matter what i say, you will not look at me in the eye. you turned your back on me when i had many things to say,i know you will not listen; I am reminded everyday but perhaps you will turn to face me as i admit my devotion, perhaps you will hold me close in a cavern of emotion. the hurt can be amended, you can nurse these fatal wounds, we could hide under an orchard where the explanation blooms, we could make a perfect couple but i don’t think you can see, because during my confession you have not looked at me once. I love you too much to let you go, what do i do.

  • when you get the feeling that your partner doesn’t care for you, something always trigger feelings, when your spouse does not show interest in you or your affairs, then there is a question mark, a caring spouse should show interest in your daily affairs, even before you divulge information, a listening ear is available.your partner should be inquisitive in unraveling every aspect of your life everyday.
  • are you included in his social life? do you or his friends come first when the decision for a ceremony comes to play?
  • do you always call first, text? and most times no reply untill you remind for a reply?
  • The man who has been saying he loves you for years, but is never willing to commit…
  • The woman who avoids emotional intimacy by investing everything in her life and career and neglecting to invest in her relationship…
  • The guy who’s been calling, texting, and emailing you for months- but face to face acts like you don’t exist…
  • The girlfriend who keeps saying she’s done with all the other guys, but can never seem to keep those doors closed
  • The boyfriend who wants to keep taking physically, but giving nothing back emotionally…

When your giving is taking too much out of you and threatens to destabilize your very person, then you are trying to give more than you are capable of. If you allow yourself to be drained of energy you will have less to give to a deserving man or woman and may find yourself passing up good men and women because of the experiences of your past. If you allow one or more experiences to make you cynical, then you have given more than you were capable of and it has made you less than who you were. This is giving more than you are capable of giving. To open yourself to others is often rewarding but is only as good as the value it adds to who you are.

If you are giving because your help is needed (in sickness or crisis) then simply accept the relationship for what it is. Your giving will add value to who you are but may not translate into a relationship with that person. And if your “generosity” has strings attached (like hoping you can subtly buy his/her affections) then it’s really not very generous. And don’t lie to yourself it’s not likely to work out. You will probably end up disappointed.

One-sided relationships have a devastating effect on your self-esteem. No matter how good your self-esteem “GIVE and GIVE” relationships have their own constraints which make having productive and satisfying relationship impossible.

We say: Who you are is related to how much you give of yourself without losing sight of who you are. Giving who you are to the extent that you empty yourself onto the laps of others only makes you insignificant and “invisible” in the relationship. And when there seems to be only one person in the relationship a disequilibrium in energy distribution happens and when that energy distribution exceeds certain limits, a state of instinctual emotional “distancing” begins to happen.

what do you do?

You have talked 2 or 3 times to the person you love to see if they love you back the same. They don’t. Then what to do with them? Nothing. Just let go. Even if you madly, desperately love them, don’t try to make them. Keep the mad love in your own heart. Don’t drown the other person with your feelings. Don’t try too hard.
You can’t use logic to convince anybody to love you. You cannot charm them into loving you, against their wishes. You cannot force or make anybody love you, if they don’t already feel the love for you. The best and most enduring love is the one which rises in the heart on its own, inspired merely by the being of the other person, without needing extra efforts or convincing from anybody. Such love will flow effortlessly and naturally, of its own accord. The most you can do is regulate your own behavior and hope for it to come to you on its own. Who knows, if you are lucky, things might flow your way.

Walk away
The most sensible thing to do when your love is not reciprocated is just walk away. Put some distance between the person you love and yourself. Some people fear that by keeping away from the person they love, they may be killing what little chance they may have with them. The opposite is true. When you are away, it gives the other person a chance to realize what they are missing by not having you around. If they realize that and truly want you, they will come seeking you on their own. If they don’t realize anything of the sort, it means they didn’t notice you or value you all that much to begin with. So, you are better off being away from them.

Look inwards

sometimes it may be an act, behaviour or approach which is solely you’re doing, visit yourself and have a meeting with yourself, spell out the rights and wrongs and make a new years resolution.(new year is in a short while lol)

Now the big question comes, should i walk away when i am in a marital relationship? The next series takes care of this question. share your views and experiences, Zee will be thankful.

Merry xmas