Stella Damasus’s Thought-Provoking Question for You and I

Stella DamasusNollywood actress Stella Damasus has just stirred the public with her thought provoking question.

She asked, ‘A faithful Christian wife who knows that her husband is very unfaithful, decides to put a pack of condoms in her husband’s suitcase. She claims that it was to protect her health. The woman also says that she was raised never to leave her marriage no matter what and so since he will not stop cheating, she has to find a way to deal with it, as she has tried everything else. As a woman would you do that? And as a man, would you advice that?’ take a look at some thoughts

  • marlee January 9, 2015 at 2:18 pm

    my husband cheated, impregnated someone, he feels he is a man and he made a mistake, but he cheated more than once. we are divorcing and he is the miserable one. i am happy, got myself a nice house and a nice car, now he cant even greet me. but i know i am going to be happy and give my kids the life they deserve. i cant live a life of misery with someone who does not appreciate me.

    • fiya January 9, 2015 at 2:56 pm

      God bless ur little heart my dear

    • January 9, 2015 at 4:16 pm

      Good for you Marlee

      My question is, will the man be willing to give me condom if I cannot stop cheating? Mschew….the assumption is that women do not have the same sexual appetite as men. But living in many Western countries has shown me that women and men are the same. They may want different things, but only at different times of their lives. Abeg, I have seen women who have a sexual libido that can put most men to shame.

      So as long as the man can give me condoms to protect himself, I do not mind doing the same. Enough with the double standards abeg.

    • Tosin January 9, 2015 at 4:16 pm

      Be happy. Be yourself. Not everybody ‘cares’ to the same extent about fidelity. Life is short, enjoy it. If you don’t like the female role in our society, be a man, live as you like. It’s not one-size-fits-all.

      Who has tips for me: At this time, I have no interest at all in getting married, but it seems a few people have made it their new year resolution to get me married. I can’t even marry for the next n years, otherwise it will be too funny. Dying of laughter here.

  • bruno January 9, 2015 at 2:23 pm

    I can never have sympathy for these kind of women. putting condoms in his bag, u are encouraging him to go out and continue cheating. it also means u know he’s sleeping with a woman outside and you are still allowing him to have sex with you. how dumb are you.

    why would you allow ur cheating husband to come back home to sleep with you when u know fully well he was with another woman.

    sometimes u have u confront your enemy. u should confront him immediately.

    religion causes many people misery. you better leave him.

    • abby January 9, 2015 at 3:11 pm

      I don’t think it is a ‘religion’ issue but rather an ‘African mentality’ issue…our tradition/society as Africans has always encouraged the woman to stay put till death.Our mothers stayed put,dey weren’t Christians remember….not everything should be blamed on religion.
      Christianity is a matter of choice,we shouldn’t hate/detest those who live their life based on the scriptures,they do that cos they know that Christianity is a way of life….

      • TA January 9, 2015 at 3:22 pm

        A million hugs abby, too many atheists and nonreligious people are quick to put the blame of on Christianity or Religion. Most decisions are pure personal choices.

      • January 9, 2015 at 4:22 pm

        WRONG!!! IT is indeed because of religion. Since Christianity came into the African consciousness, our culture was systematically intertwined with Christian discourses. So our mothers before Christianity DID NOT stay with men. Why? Because their husbands had many wives, this is of course in some cultures. And as they were among many wives, they had side boyfriends. In other African cultures, women did not marry, in fact what we understand as marriage today is a Christian phenomenon, and they were encouraged to have a healthy sexual appetite. If she fell pregnant, the child becomes part of HER family, not HIS.

        So Bruno is right. It is because of Christianity which heavily preached the chastity of women for developmental purposes and the civilization of the African heathen and encouraged the promiscuity of men. This was to mimic the Victorian version of womanhood and promote the virility of manhood.

        Read more, it helps.

    • NaijaPikin January 9, 2015 at 3:40 pm

      it’s amazing how you fight for gay rights but then you are so quick to bash Religious folks.

      You are either for freedom or you aren’t. sigh! You don’t believe in organized religion, great!! we have heard, now can you leave it alone already so those who believe can believe in peace.

  • Bobo January 9, 2015 at 2:27 pm

    he’s prolly not using the condoms. Anyway, thats very foolish of her and thats very bold of him

  • gia January 9, 2015 at 2:31 pm

    Village chief is so true…what nigerian women go through all in the name of marriage makes me scared to date a nigerian man raised in Nigeria…not saying that nigerian women are saints but. damn,there are so many horror stories

    • fiya January 9, 2015 at 2:57 pm

      Nne am telling u eh…..the stories can be used for horror movies

  • C’est moi January 9, 2015 at 2:51 pm

    So highly irritated by the question & all it conveys.

    They educate the african woman only for her to willfully subjugate herself under patriarchy, religion and redundant customs.

  • Dad January 9, 2015 at 3:02 pm

    @ Gia…let me be the first to tell you. It is not only Nigerians that cheat on their partners, abuse said partners both physically and emotional and this partners choose to still stay. I mean we have the Rice case on going in the US, we have many politicians all over the world that have been accused and have been found guilty of cheating on their partners and many spouses still choose to stay. Bear in mind that we only know of those because they are in the lime light but cheating, abusing both physically and emotionally is not limited to Nigeria alone. I mean there was a story and Aunty Bella not too long ago about someone witnessing physical abuse outside the country with non-Nigerians. For the main article well, it each one his/her own. I personally do not have time for such WOT runs. If one knowing , your partner is not willing to honor his/her wedding vows, why would think he/she would for one second consider using “raincoats” because you put them there, well self deceit is in the dictionary for a reason is all I gats to say. For him/her, You have just a given the nod on their doggy ways,that’s all and you are ok with said individual eating his/her cake and having it.

  • always happy January 9, 2015 at 3:04 pm

    Cheating spouses is an age old problem in all societies ( Nigerian and Non Nigerian), however the choices of how to deal with it is a personal matter not a societal one although there are societal influences. How we personally view and deal with the problem should not be up for debate by instagram, random tweets, strangers and external parties. It is a discussion for 2 only ( the parties involved), the way fwd, whether to put condom inside briefcase, whether to divorce, whether to separate temporarily whether to pray and fast together, whether to repent and have each other as accountable partners, whether to become Victoria’s secret next top model or Martha stewart to quench your man’s thirst are all suggestions the 2 parties should openly discuss and arrive at their way fwd. No need to die upon dis matter wey be as a result of our sinful nature….. real question is if we have not stopped sinning then we have not matured enough to know better and do better.

  • Carliforniabawlar January 9, 2015 at 3:18 pm

    But this is from a movie/joke now! I’ve seen the scenario in like 5movies….Madam Stella! You still aint that deep….plus even if women pack condoms for their husbands, some sisters like you will still not even let him come back home. So no, i’ll save myself the surprise and kukuma pack the trifling fool’s entire belongings for him or better still he’ll come back to an empty house.

    Chai! I have an intense dislike for Stella…God forgive me…lol.

  • chigurl January 9, 2015 at 3:20 pm

    sorry nothing ‘thought provoking’ about this question more like anger inducing.

  • Tunmi January 9, 2015 at 3:26 pm

    My grandmother is a bad-ass woman. Her first husband was a prince. She had kids for him, then she left him and Naija for Douala and had another family. He had several wives, and she had a second husband (my maternal grandfather).both families are aware of each other, and there’s nothing but love between the two. Naija and its egalitarianism when it comes to affairs is amusing–prostitution is not new to either, and multiple partners is not solely for either gender (just noting).

    Both parties truly need to be clear on what they are doing. If we married for love, honor said contract and be mature enough to ask for a divorce rather than break the promise of monogamy. If we married for political/business/non romantic reasons (these exist) establish the rules of the contract (marriage is a contract and started out as such) as to extramarital affairs.

    We really need to teach our children self-worth to demand what is good for them. We are slowly waking up, and we have far to go. Fortunately, we have realized the problem in how we raise boys and girls.

  • Animal Doctor January 9, 2015 at 3:41 pm

    Sorry to break it to you mami, but your nan is a thot

    • D January 9, 2015 at 4:42 pm

      Sho!!! THOT loun loun….warris this??? why can’t we express our opinions without the need to throw out names and yes it it THOT not thot ,as in an acryonm . Just so we know you know what THOT means??? Since you have decided to play judge of the world na, so what is the man? a TDOT??? (That Dog over there and yes I just made up that word).

  • Eileen January 9, 2015 at 3:54 pm

    I have neva seen where women condole cheating like in nigeria.u know ur husband is cheating yet u give him condoms ha u must be mad oh.until we women step up certain tings will neva change.ur husband is cheating u stay he is abusing u stay.haba wat happens to ur own happiness as a human bein.

  • spoonfullofsugar January 9, 2015 at 4:09 pm

    To each his own. Some women are not in the financial positioncheating man or are not emotionally strong enough to survive being alone and in Nigeria, there is actually a stigma on divorced women. Some men outgrow their cheating ways and become the best of husbands, some women leave cheating men to worse husbands, some find greener pastures. Let everyone prayerfully deal with their situations according to its uniqueness.

  • Rose Okwy January 9, 2015 at 4:24 pm

    Society demands so much of women it is appalling how one can live such a miserable, unhappy life in the name of marriage. I WILL PACK MY BAGS AND GO. Most women stay because of security, ego, stigma, embarrassment, religion, family, convenience, fear of the unknown etc. You know life is already hard enough in Nigeria, so handling things alone is terrifying and damn near impossible for most ladies/people. She is even lucky the man accepted the condoms and did not beat her to a pulp for having such guts or rape her for the heck of it (yes a husband can rape a wife).